Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
