I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I FOUND THE LEGS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
