I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
