a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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