Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
