kristin has been a bad kristin
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
