i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
