btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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