My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
