Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
