i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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