i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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