if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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