I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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