u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
