he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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