Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
