If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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