just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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