other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
