I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
