I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
