The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Alive.
So much puke
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
