Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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