but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
