Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
