well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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