that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
