Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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