She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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