well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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