I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
