Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
FUCK WHALES
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
