i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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