her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
