he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
