Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
