im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
