If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
