hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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