Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
