grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
