3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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