i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
try to milk me bitch
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