Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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