He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
