My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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