Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
