so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
