Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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