Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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