I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you inspire me to be a worse person
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
